The entrance examinations have started knocking at the door . Its not long when the time will seriously start flying and it would be almost impossible to put a check over it ……
My life , right now , is marked by a cadence of emotional ups and downs … sometimes I am as full of spirit as any other soul on this planet … and sometimes I am buried so deep inside that even the dead lying in the graves deride me …….
My life , right now , is marked by the incoming and outgoing of all types of forms , which I have to fill in order to ensure a security lest I fail to deliver the knockout punch …..
And my life , right now , is marked by some very unusual “unlike me” events , which I , myself , am unable to comprehend … The things which shaped up in last few weeks were totally unexpected … May be I did all those things out of sheer frustration … Or may be this is what I have become … Still unsure whether this is a “make” or “break” …. Still unsure whether I should regret what I have done or go through with the same …. Still unsure about many things …. The thing which appears right at one moment … flips 180 degree the very other moment … I know a thorough introspection is called for …. But that is what I have been doing for so long … without any avail …!!!!!!!!
Its just over a month to go before I face the most critical test …. The test which will decide whether I live up to my potential or I go down , once again , failing everyone’s expectations ….. Yes I am scared … and am not shy of admitting the same …. I have already failed once and don’t want it to repeat … not at any cost …. Frustration keeps showing up at regular intervals …. And as the time is approaching , its becoming far more frequent for my comfort ….
I am trying to give my cent percent input …. Trying to focus …. every single minute I am trying to focus … But its easier said than done … One or the other unwanted thing maintain a permanent residence in my mind … which I am finding difficult to do away with …. The burden of expectations and the fear of failure , accompanied by many a things which give a push to these two factors , have turned me real crazy ……
I know that I need to do away with all the materialistic things at the moment …. but that is exactly the thing I am unable to do …. I know this is an important junction … but this is the very time when all those things intensify …. I know that its Do or Die …. but this is the very time I look at Die much more often than I look at Do …!!!!
Crunch time is it ??? … Real test is it ??? … Life is it ??? … then let it be …!!!!